Hello, it's Mr. Nasty

"Do you ever feel you become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's Box of all the secret hateful parts -- your arrogance, your spite, your condescension -- has sprung open. Someone provokes you, and instead of just smiling and moving on, you zing them. Hello, it's Mr. Nasty". - Joe Fox (Tom Hanks) in You've Got Mail

We've watched You've Got Mail quite a few times and in the last 24 hours I've replayed this quote in my head about 50 times.

I've become what I detest. I've embraced the things I hate. I've spit on the things that are good and reveled in their demise.

Hello, it's Mr. Nasty.

One of my biggest flaws (as they are many) is being too quick to speak without thinking first. Foot-in-mouth disease has plagued me for years now, but I never saw the signs that it was getting worse... much worse.

Over the last couple of weeks I've had the opportunity to exemplify how a follower of Christ reacts to different types of situations. I've taken those opportunities and kicked them in the head. Instead of rising above, I've sunk to a new low. I wasn't the better person; I was the biggest jerk.

I won't go into detail, but I regret the way I've acted. This most recent issue has only put my arrogance, my spite, my condescension under a microscope. I have a lot of things I need to work through... and some growing up to do apparently.

Worst of all, I've allowed these things to affect my Christian witness. That is something that makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. This part disappoints me more than anything else. Also, in an attempt to "stick up for" Miranda I've made things worse.

To the hurt and the angry:
I'm sorry. Those words may sound hollow to you, but I mean them. I don't know you well enough to have said any of the things I said. No one deserves to have had those things said to them. I understand if you hate me... if you think I'm horrible.. if you think I'm miserable. You have every right.

Anyhow, I'm going to make every attempt to change - rather let God change me - and make amends for the things I've said and done. I cannot control what other people do or say to me or Miranda.... but I can control how I react to them.

It is difficult to put this out there for everyone to read... Why is that? Why is it so easy to be mean and nasty, but to be apologetic and show humility is extremely difficult?

All I can say is that I am yet another example of why you must follow Christ... not Christians.